On Our Own - written Jan 17th

I am sad to say that I have not had time to so much as pick up my journal in the last week and a a half. I am behind in my journal, which means that my blog is far from an updated account of what I've been up to and what my plans are.

Before going further there are a few important people to introduce. There were 4 main leaders of the Global Kimeeza II Summit (along with some others, but for the sake of story-telling at the moment I'll only give the 4). Josh was the summit coordinator. This was the 4th trip that Josh helped organize for GYPA. He has been living in Uganda since the summer. Rebekah has also been living here for four months. Rebekah is an alumni of the first Global Kimeeza and came on board to be our media coordinator and is the creator of our program blog (website to the right!). Finally, I am brought to Halle Butvin. Blog readers meet Halle Butvin:

I met Halle in September when Carrie (the other fabulous full time staffer at GYPA in DC - who will get her own intro at another time) and I organized an alumni meeting. Halle traveled with GYPA to Uganda in July, fell in love, had some serious impact before she left, and returned to her job at AIR (America's Institute for Research) where she began to spend all of her free time doing work for GYPA. It's quite entertaining looking back at our meetings throughout the fall, it seems like ages ago and like we were two totally different people. Sometime in October, Halle came on board to be my U.S. co-coordinator. We selected the participants together, prepared the participants, created and edited program materials and got ourselves ready to lead the group of 13 to Uganda.

Going through the last 2 1/2 weeks with Halle brought the entire experience to a new level of effectiveness, intellectual stimulation, personal growth and, most importantly, fun. We've decide to cut crunches out of our workout plan (which has yet to happen anyways) because we laugh enough that our stomachs are usually sore. The participants were shocked last night when they discovered that Halle and I have only known each other since September, it really does feel like we've known each other forever....as one participant noted, we are "cut from the same fabric". It's been incredible to experience Uganda and the ups and downs of leadership and responsibility with Halle. Halle graduated from Ohio State and went on to receive her masters in Urban Planning. She brought incredible insight and experience to this trip and her motivation has had a huge impact on my decision to stay in Uganda.

My decision to stay in Uganda finally felt real as Josh, Rebekah, Halle and I hugged our 13 participants goodbye at 6:00 am this morning. My seat was gone, and suddenly the plane was too. Walking back to the bus with the sun rising over Lake Victoria was surreal. Going on one hour of sleep and two weeks of the subconscious weight of being responsible for 13 lives, I had (and have) a wide range of emotions. I felt like I could sleep for days, I felt out of place and confused (wasn’t I supposed to get on that airplane??), I felt in awe (sunrises and sunsets anywhere in Africa somehow seem different…more mystical), I felt overjoyed to be walking somewhere without a trail of 13 Americans asking what were sometimes insanely silly questions (or for Immodium), I felt a hint of emptiness/loneliness (yes I was the “leader” and they were the “participants”, but they most definitely became close and unforgetful friends who I immediately missed), and finally, I felt an incredible sense of freedom.

In my life I have been blessed by both opportunity and choice. I have traveled all over and have constantly been supported to make decisions independently. However, no matter how far I’ve traveled or what decision I’ve made, I have always felt something holding me back…school, illness, fear, boyfriends… When I turned and walked away from the airport looking at the sunrise I just felt overwhelmed by freedom. I just planned and carried out a trip to Uganda, it was a huge success, and now I somewhat spontaneously decided not to leave. I have a lot to go home for. I love my family, my friends, and despite America’s faults in foreign policy, I also love that America/Minnesota is the place that I call home. However, for the first time, I don’t have anything or anyone holding me back. Sometimes that feels lonely and directionless, but right now it feels completely liberating and exciting.