The moment I knew I had to make a change

It was a warm autumn day in Washington D.C. and I was sitting outside at my favorite little coffee shop around the corner, Java House. I love sitting in there on that picturesque street and watching the world quietly go by. On this one day I let my mind wander away from the GRE workbook in front of me to thoughts that have frequently tugged at my mind. For whatever reason, this time when the thoughts entered my mind I wrote them down on a crumpled sheet of paper and carried the words around with me. For whatever reason, that is when I knew that, for me, there was no longer a choice. I had to act.

This is what I wrote - D.C., October 2008:

Eventually you have to throw your expectations to the wind. Holding onto what I thought should be holds me still and unsatisfied. What I thought, is not what is. Fear of movement that might disrupt what seems like the ideal position to wait in for those expectations to manifest - is what keeps me still. 

If I could genuinely release those expectations would I not be afraid? Maybe I would be afraid, but at least I would be able to move more freely through my life.

I don't want to be a wanderer or someone who is constantly trying to escape. But I also don't want to be someone who sits and waits for old expectations to come true.